life is weird and funny at times…

Yesterday was a day of some epic proportions. What started off as a simple normal Tuesday morning getting kids to school, slowly but surely turned into a catalogue of errors.

Car had to go in for a service which isn’t a train smash. I like the way it slows down the day and one gets to walk all be it in the rain. The much needed rain for Cape Town. With the odd uber in between it’s a lovely change from always driving and dealing with annoying fellow drivers that’s just racing from one point to the next.

This meant that kids and I walked and talked after school. Enjoyed little local spots for some iced tea and eventually ubered home. To find that nanny and A3 isn’t home. 

I knew they were at the library so we soldiered up the dreaded uppermill street (a treacherous hill at best) to go get them there. Listened to the librarian reading a story to the kids and sang along to Old McDonald had a farm. 

This was all still nice and just dandy. A lovely afternoon spent with my kids, some quality time stuff, you know.

This is where everything took a turn for the weird and annoying.

We ran home downhill. Dropped as many bags as we could at home and summoned the final uber of the day so that we could go collect the car.

In we hop, and the more I say just head straight to N1 so we can possibly beat the horrible peak traffic the more he edged into Woodstock. I then figured out it was so that he could put in petrol. 

Already annoyed with the driver that accepted my trip knowing full well he doesn’t have enough petrol for trip, the kids didn’t help.

My phone was dying(need it for uber) kids were irritable. A3 decided it was a good time to start screaming for mummies phone so that she could play games. The more I explained she can’t have my phone, the more A1 annoyed her trying to reitterate what mummy was saying and it all just turned into a backseat ride from hell. Poor A2 just sat quietly and stared at the rest of us.

Sitting on lower main road in traffic that’s now come to a complete freaking standstill in this backseat of spoilt brats screaming I thought to myself…

Where as a parent have I gone wrong to have 3 kids behaving like they are currently? Not listening to a word I’m saying and acting like right old spoilt brats which I try very hard not to do. I’m tough with my kids, as much love and attention I give them they don’t get everything they ask for.

Just before I started feeling really sorry for myself and going round in circles in my brain I snapped out of it and made a quick decision.

Cars were just not moving. It’s 16:30 and there is no way we will make it to paarden eiland by 17:00. So it’s basically either walk from woodstock or walk from paarden eiland by which time we would have had no phone to call and have missed collection time of car. 

With my last bit of phone battery and 1% dignity intact I cancelled uber trip, paid and told kids to get out the car.

Poor driver (not) still shouted after me asking what am I going to do now. I said I’ll be just fine, he doesn’t need to worry.

And off we marched back into town from Woodstock. I have to say by this time the kids didn’t think much of this and just walked with me. I think they might have sensed my deep seated annoyance with them. We had the lovely view of signal hill and lionshead to look at with the odd bit of rain.

With the last bit of battery I had left I called H, my husband, to explain the situation I find myself in. Ok, it wasn’t explaining it was more like shouting incoherently and I couldn’t really think of what I needed him to do. 

Bless his soul, he got a cab and came down to the good hope centre to come get us and took us back to the restaurant.

He had a chat with the kids while I sat in his office and just enjoyed some quiet time.

But just wait for this…

This day isn’t done quite yet…

This is where shit gets decidedly funny…

Charging my phone, I start going through messages and emails and respond to as many as I can. The restaurant and rooftop bar is in demand, it being season and loads of people willl find me on facebook and use messenger to contact me inregards to bookings etc.

Anyways…

I respond to one fb msg just saying ‘hey.’

I’m like yes, I’m here, how can I help thinking it’s a rooftop enquiry.

She needs to talk to me, I’m like yes, let’s chat I have time now.

According to her she just needs to let me know that my husband has made her pregnant…

Bwhahahhahhahhahabha

Now I know most men are probably scoundrels and they don’t have a good rap at the moment with the huge Hollywood scandal going down. But my husband is one of the few good men out there.

Just logistically, we work together as we run our business together, which is a restaurant, which is open 6 days from 07:00 in morning till 23:00 at night.

He is always at the restaurant being the chef.

Physically, he’s had a vasectomy. So ….

Chances of him impregnating anyone is somewhat impossible. I do know this because we have a healthy sex life and I’m sure as hell ain’t pregnant. So the vasectomy of 2,5years ago has definitely worked, hahaha.

So you understand me now laughing at this girl that’s trying her luck.

Anyway…

I proceed to ask her what’s my husband’s name. She says she doesn’t know…

I then asked where did they meet and engage in such a manner that she’s now pregnant. She says P.E…..

My husband has never in the 15years that we’ve been together been to P.E.

I think she thought I have some business man hubby that travels for work a lot and therefore gets up to shit. Shame…

I just said to her it’s physically and geographically impossible for my husband to have impregnated her.

She then proceeded to tell me to fuck off and to leave her alone, bwahahahaha.

I’m sorry, but that was hysterically funny after the day I’ve had. Showed H the messages, we had a laugh. The kids and I finally got our last uber for the day home so we could go chill and sleep.

Only to find that we have no toilet paper…

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